i'm really really tired.
i'm feeling the stress already.
exams after exams without a real holiday for a year.
i need a place to shout my problems.
i need a time of peace.
stop shouting ur complains of others at me at this time.
stop throwing ur tantrum even though i don't react to it much.
in times of stress, i need more support. not more nonsense.
i dun understand my parents.
y do they have to throw me to 2 schools and let me juz die there.
"God work for 6 days and He rested for 1 day."
"Basil work for 6 months and he rested for none."
perhaps that is y i m losing my productivity in workload.
perhaps that is y i m losing my patience.
perhaps that is y i m losing my black hair and they are turning white.
well. this is really strange.
i think God just spoke to me while i m writing this blog.
he just place this keychain infront of me.
the picture is way too blur to read what is inscripted on
well.this is what it says.
"I can do all things through CHRIST which strengtheneth me."
phil 4:13
Oh well. i guess even God is telling me to press on
probably my harvest is just ahead.
i really dun know.
i dun know how is my harvest gonna be like.
my head just feels like an empty void now.
i see no link in how i can keep pressing on with little strength within me.
is asking for a week of rest too greedy?
or is it just a very childish thought in me?
m i too selfish in my ways?
or do i just fail to understand my original purpose on earth?
does the vision i contain just a mere fantasy of hope?
or is it just my vision being fogged by the storm?
m i too complacent with the position i stand?
or m i filled with pride that just never end?
my brain is overloaded with unnesessary things.
taking them out would just be a risk of creating more problems.
i guess being perfect in memory is the only hope of a clearer path ahead.
for history will be learn by ur own self-experiences.
How i wish i could go for overnight prayer meeting.
how i wish it was just nearer my home.
how i wish time is not a factor that will not obstruct my final objective.
if only i would learn to be more mature.
if only i would have less pride and more humanity.
if only my thoughts were higher than people.
if only i had the wisdom just like Jesus and Soloman.
if only i have faith that can move the mountains.
if only i have hands that can mold my vision.
i would be the perfect person in my own opinion.
but those were just wishes that has no foundation.
but those are just 'if', nothing but a theory.
"Take all my insufficiency and covert them to what You think is best for me.
let it not be my weakness be the hinderance to Your greater works.
but let me be the pillar with the strength You've provided.
use me to my fullest potential
and make change me to be the beacon of light instead of the attraction of sins.
let me live a life of love and compassion,
let me be blind to the ugly side of people and accept them like how Jesus did.
give me a heart of innocence and purity just like a child.
make me to be the men that live in righteousness and integrety.
and lastly.
remind me of the grace You have given to me and be grateful to those that deserve."
the 'things to do' list seems never ending for me.
i have too much to do that i cant even be bothered to list them down.
many say i m a bless person with little to complain about.
yes. i so agree with them.
some people thinks i seems to be living in a flawless life without a problem.
well. that is just my outter being u're looking at.
i have deep thoughts within the shell.
often people just look at the outter being of a person and fixed an assumption in it.
no doubt assumption is the lowest act of intelligence
this blog has ventured deep into my thoughts and have been read.
it took 2 hours and 15 minutes of my time to be completed while i was in deep stress.
i was and am really sleepy but pressure have to be release somewhere.